Thorn in my Side

James 1:19-21

Anger is an emotion that erodes my peace. Some people are good with dealing with anger by their very nature. The Good Lord didn't bless me in this way! I haven't had many major events in my life that have cause lingering, damaging anger and resentment. It so happens, however, that an event of that nature happened this past year. An act of betrayal that shook foundations of trust that had been carefully and lovingly built were destroyed, and by the grace of God stand strong once again.

The anger this event caused me was visceral. I've never felt so helpless, hopeless, or carried so much hate in my heart. It ate me up- I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was anxious all the time. The Me that people knew and loved was being buried and suffocated by this stony resentment, and it was heavy and ruinous.

I knew long before I did it that the answer was to pray for her. But come on, let's get real: NO WAY was I going to pray for her! After what she did! She didn't deserve my prayers after what she'd done to me and my family! God kept calling me out, and I kept saying, "But...But...there's got to be an easier way!"

Bad news: There isn't.

Whatever situation in your life seems impossible to forgive, it will only be shaken loose by prayer. It won't happen fast, either. But it will happen. After I began to stubbornly ask God to loosen the grip this anger had on me, I slowly began to see her as a human being with feelings; one who needs love and affection. God didn't ask me not to be angry, but by channeling that anger into fervent prayers for my enemy, I am finally at peace. I thank God for my new outlook, my relaxed heart, and the love I've found for someone whom I never thought I could love.