Crosses to Bear

I hesitate to use that phrase, because it sounds so Louisa May Alcott, and I am not skilled at validating myself when it comes to my crosses. I've spent a good portion of my life feeling that other people's feelings and problems were valid, but not mine. I, for some unknown reason, was special; my feelings didn't count, my problems weren't real problems. This often led me to overcompensate in various ways, like being really self-obsessed, or being convinced that everyone was angry with me, so preemptively getting angry with them. I don't do that anymore; it takes too much energy. I've found it's much easier to just acknowledge my problems and feelings, do with them what I can, and say the Serenity Prayer!

My struggle lately has been my chronic and deep fatigue. I've had to rely heavily on Ivy's dads for support; I can barely do the laundry or dishes. I've been needing at least 12 hours of sleep a night, and almost always take a nap when Ivy takes one. That's a lot of sleep! I've tried the sunlamp, vitamins, good nutrition, moderate exercise, and nothing seems to be improving it. Thankfully, I went to the doctor this morning and was pre-diagnosed with a thyroid problem. Makes sense; it runs in my family. Hopefully after some bloodwork next week, I will be able to treat it directly. I'm excited to enter spring with some energy!

I read the story of the Good Samaritan today, and was reminded how radical Jesus was. In a society where mixing castes and ethic groups was not only unheard of, but considered "unclean," he truly set the world on fire. Do we often forget how powerful and novel his message was? It's easy to do in our own culture; it is hard not to treat talking about Jesus ironically, because of the mud his name has been dragged through by conservative Christians. Can we remember how he was unlike any other person on earth, before or since? It's difficult for me to even wrap my brain around. My imagination often can't encompass Jesus and his message; I have to have it in bits and pieces and wait for the wonder to hit me. That's my prayer for today: I wait for the wonder of Jesus to fill me, and I try, however feebly, to be where I am needed!