Poor, neglected blog! I've been remiss in the past month. My old computer went on the kibbutz, and for some reason that sapped my enthusiasm for writing! Why? I feel bad about that. My personal technology goes kaput and suddenly my favorite way of ministering seems boring? Moreover, I get a shiny new computer and I'm suddenly back on the wagon?
Hm. I could feel ashamed, or I could just accept that I'm a fickle human and laugh. I choose the latter.
So we approach Easter, my favorite time of year in the church. Christmas does not hold the same reverence and mystery for me as Lent and Easter. I love Christmas, don't get me wrong. I love going home to my rural family and hearing the old familiar carols play and all that, and the birth of Jesus is a wondrous and beautiful event to commemorate. But Lent is very real to me. It makes me relive the journey of Jesus to the cross. It isn't pretty, there are no lights or trees or carols. It is real, it is bloody, it is tragic, it is heart-rending. Jesus the Christ, tortured, spat on, lashed and beaten. This is happened. No matter what way we smooth over the pain and the thorns by making the cross ivory or gold or polished wood, the fact of the matter is that whatever you believe about Jesus after his death, He was nailed to a splintered wooden cross and hung there to die slowly of thirst, blood loss, starvation, rot.
But wait.
This person was so powerful, such a personification of God, of Love, that after his death, he either actually rose again to be with God or was so beloved by his followers that he lived on for thousands and thousands of years through more faithful disciples. Either way, it's miraculous. It is HOPE. It's an accurate picture of our human life: Struggle, toil, persecution, failure, death...and then HOPE. Through the Easter story, we were never promised perfect lives and unending happiness from God; we are promised unconditional mercy and love.
I waste a lot of time fretting and wringing my hands over what it means to be "good." There's some value in that, to be sure. It is good to do good works, to be a good parent, wife, friend. But if I am not those things, I am still loved by God. I don't do those things in order to get into heaven; I am already promised heaven, because I am human and will never "deserve" to get there. I love in as close approximation as I can to the way Jesus loves. I love and do good BECAUSE I am loved unconditionally. God says "Yes" to my life, and I try to hear it.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Praise to the East, West, North, and South
Today I decided to attend the earlier service at my church called "Sacred Journeys." I'd always felt a pull to go, but last week my pastor actually suggested it, and that was somehow the fire I needed lit under me to attend!
I am so thankful I did!
Sacred Journeys is a service held in the Art Gallery of the Hennepin Avenue United Methodist Church at 9:00 on Sunday mornings. It differs from the traditional Methodist service and liturgy of the 9:30 service in the sanctuary: the congregation sits in a circle around an offering table, there is incense lit, there is beautiful folk music sung, and the attendees are an incredibly tight-knit community. I felt embraced the moment I walked in! So many people were happy I was there and interested. The story told today by the pastor was about evangelism, or as we progressive Christians tend to think of it, "The 'E' Word." Evangelizing that "sells" God and Jesus Christ, that threatens, or coerces, is not what Jesus had in mind for us when he called us to be "fishers of men." As we explored through our own stories the pain that evangelism has caused in our lives, we were left with the question, "How then can we share the love of God and Jesus?"
Not as difficult as you might suspect, actually. Wait for the place, the time, and tell YOUR story. Tell it to someone who wants to hear it. Invite. Welcome. Announce the good news! Everyone will walk their own path of faith anyway; all you can do is invite them to start down the road.
Luke 5
I am so thankful I did!
Sacred Journeys is a service held in the Art Gallery of the Hennepin Avenue United Methodist Church at 9:00 on Sunday mornings. It differs from the traditional Methodist service and liturgy of the 9:30 service in the sanctuary: the congregation sits in a circle around an offering table, there is incense lit, there is beautiful folk music sung, and the attendees are an incredibly tight-knit community. I felt embraced the moment I walked in! So many people were happy I was there and interested. The story told today by the pastor was about evangelism, or as we progressive Christians tend to think of it, "The 'E' Word." Evangelizing that "sells" God and Jesus Christ, that threatens, or coerces, is not what Jesus had in mind for us when he called us to be "fishers of men." As we explored through our own stories the pain that evangelism has caused in our lives, we were left with the question, "How then can we share the love of God and Jesus?"
Not as difficult as you might suspect, actually. Wait for the place, the time, and tell YOUR story. Tell it to someone who wants to hear it. Invite. Welcome. Announce the good news! Everyone will walk their own path of faith anyway; all you can do is invite them to start down the road.
Luke 5
Friday, February 5, 2010
Crosses to Bear
I hesitate to use that phrase, because it sounds so Louisa May Alcott, and I am not skilled at validating myself when it comes to my crosses. I've spent a good portion of my life feeling that other people's feelings and problems were valid, but not mine. I, for some unknown reason, was special; my feelings didn't count, my problems weren't real problems. This often led me to overcompensate in various ways, like being really self-obsessed, or being convinced that everyone was angry with me, so preemptively getting angry with them. I don't do that anymore; it takes too much energy. I've found it's much easier to just acknowledge my problems and feelings, do with them what I can, and say the Serenity Prayer!
My struggle lately has been my chronic and deep fatigue. I've had to rely heavily on Ivy's dads for support; I can barely do the laundry or dishes. I've been needing at least 12 hours of sleep a night, and almost always take a nap when Ivy takes one. That's a lot of sleep! I've tried the sunlamp, vitamins, good nutrition, moderate exercise, and nothing seems to be improving it. Thankfully, I went to the doctor this morning and was pre-diagnosed with a thyroid problem. Makes sense; it runs in my family. Hopefully after some bloodwork next week, I will be able to treat it directly. I'm excited to enter spring with some energy!
I read the story of the Good Samaritan today, and was reminded how radical Jesus was. In a society where mixing castes and ethic groups was not only unheard of, but considered "unclean," he truly set the world on fire. Do we often forget how powerful and novel his message was? It's easy to do in our own culture; it is hard not to treat talking about Jesus ironically, because of the mud his name has been dragged through by conservative Christians. Can we remember how he was unlike any other person on earth, before or since? It's difficult for me to even wrap my brain around. My imagination often can't encompass Jesus and his message; I have to have it in bits and pieces and wait for the wonder to hit me. That's my prayer for today: I wait for the wonder of Jesus to fill me, and I try, however feebly, to be where I am needed!
My struggle lately has been my chronic and deep fatigue. I've had to rely heavily on Ivy's dads for support; I can barely do the laundry or dishes. I've been needing at least 12 hours of sleep a night, and almost always take a nap when Ivy takes one. That's a lot of sleep! I've tried the sunlamp, vitamins, good nutrition, moderate exercise, and nothing seems to be improving it. Thankfully, I went to the doctor this morning and was pre-diagnosed with a thyroid problem. Makes sense; it runs in my family. Hopefully after some bloodwork next week, I will be able to treat it directly. I'm excited to enter spring with some energy!
I read the story of the Good Samaritan today, and was reminded how radical Jesus was. In a society where mixing castes and ethic groups was not only unheard of, but considered "unclean," he truly set the world on fire. Do we often forget how powerful and novel his message was? It's easy to do in our own culture; it is hard not to treat talking about Jesus ironically, because of the mud his name has been dragged through by conservative Christians. Can we remember how he was unlike any other person on earth, before or since? It's difficult for me to even wrap my brain around. My imagination often can't encompass Jesus and his message; I have to have it in bits and pieces and wait for the wonder to hit me. That's my prayer for today: I wait for the wonder of Jesus to fill me, and I try, however feebly, to be where I am needed!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
My Apologies
...for my "sabbatical"! Things here have been busy, and I have been very interested in hibernating, as I am wont to do this time of year. My daughter, my fiance, my graduate studies, and other writing projects taken up much of my attention-gladly! :)
I've found, though, that losing focus on my spiritual writing does no one any good. Writing about my faith grounds me, puts me in the here and now, and I'm a firm believer that God dwells in the here and now, not in the past or future. A Christian Buddhist? Sometimes.
Last night I was lucky enough to be able to meet with a group of friends from church. These ladies have been meeting for over a year now, and we have formed a special bond. Somehow, we have all come together in a group dynamic that makes it natural and easy to talk about our faith, or lack thereof. We met at Muddy Waters Coffee Shop in Uptown Minneapolis last evening, shared tea and chocolate cake, books and news, and they let me rant about my current crisis of faith. After letting me get out what I needed to say, they offered their words, most of which came in the form of, "We have doubts too sometimes. It doesn't mean you should stay away. Keep coming anyway." So I will. And today I am grateful for them.
Acts 3:1-10
Some days we are overwhelmed by what life throws at us. It seems everyone wants a piece of us. There is always someone to answer to, something to get finished, the next task to accomplish. I am a person who can be easily overwhelmed. At least, I used to be. I can now usually find respite in my faith, through prayer and contemplation. Usually all I pray for is God's will for me that day and the strength to carry out that will. Often days seem to be filled to overflowing with tasks I have little enthusiasm for, or little energy, or time, or all three. And so I pray to be where I am needed. Where does God need us today? In our neighborhood? Our own home? Our church? A homeless shelter? With kids in need? We cannot do everything that needs done every day, nor are we called to. In my humble opinion, God wants us to be open to where we are needed, to be flexible to go when called, and to be grateful for the opportunity.
Good to be back! :)
I've found, though, that losing focus on my spiritual writing does no one any good. Writing about my faith grounds me, puts me in the here and now, and I'm a firm believer that God dwells in the here and now, not in the past or future. A Christian Buddhist? Sometimes.
Last night I was lucky enough to be able to meet with a group of friends from church. These ladies have been meeting for over a year now, and we have formed a special bond. Somehow, we have all come together in a group dynamic that makes it natural and easy to talk about our faith, or lack thereof. We met at Muddy Waters Coffee Shop in Uptown Minneapolis last evening, shared tea and chocolate cake, books and news, and they let me rant about my current crisis of faith. After letting me get out what I needed to say, they offered their words, most of which came in the form of, "We have doubts too sometimes. It doesn't mean you should stay away. Keep coming anyway." So I will. And today I am grateful for them.
Acts 3:1-10
Some days we are overwhelmed by what life throws at us. It seems everyone wants a piece of us. There is always someone to answer to, something to get finished, the next task to accomplish. I am a person who can be easily overwhelmed. At least, I used to be. I can now usually find respite in my faith, through prayer and contemplation. Usually all I pray for is God's will for me that day and the strength to carry out that will. Often days seem to be filled to overflowing with tasks I have little enthusiasm for, or little energy, or time, or all three. And so I pray to be where I am needed. Where does God need us today? In our neighborhood? Our own home? Our church? A homeless shelter? With kids in need? We cannot do everything that needs done every day, nor are we called to. In my humble opinion, God wants us to be open to where we are needed, to be flexible to go when called, and to be grateful for the opportunity.
Good to be back! :)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Mama's Gotta Brand New Bag!
Isaiah 43:16-19
Heck if I know what I was "supposed" to do with my life. There have been so many plans and changes, detours and failures, really anyone's guess is as good as mine. I have a bachelor's degree in women's studies, a year of law school, several nursing classes (which I often forget I even took!), and am nearly finished with a teaching license. Mostly, I write in notebooks whenever I'm not teaching my daughter how to be a person. I have a specific book idea, a collection of essays, the first three chapters of a really horrific mystery novel, and this blog. So, am I a writer? I feel called to be one, so I guess I'll just myself a writer. God gave this to me. He never said I was a GREAT writer, because that takes practice, which is mainly what I do: I practice. He is also calling me to speak about certain topics that may be helpful to people. How to convince anyone that I know anything about anything is an obstacle he hasn't revealed a way around yet. :)
Mostly, God is doing a brand new thing in my life. Ultimately, I didn't become an attorney because every cell in body knew that was the wrong path for me. I may become a teacher, but I'll teach my daughter first. Writing is sort of the thing I fell into because it's what I've found myself doing more than anything else, besides molding the personhood of this little muffin I live with. As a friend said once, "I don't do anything fancy with words. I just write them."
What does God call you to do today? Are you doing it? Maybe you are in your day job, maybe your calling is outside your day job. What fills you up like a good meal that ISN'T a meal? It's taken me a good decade to figure out what that is for me: it's pages and pages of my sprawling handwriting. It's piles of 30-cent notebooks in the built-in cabinet in my bedroom. It's a blog where I write about praising, questioning, and worshipping God and Jesus Christ, and also where I write about my beliefs on issues of equality and justice. I don't make much money doing it, but it makes me a much better parent than if I were doing something else. For that, praise and thanks to you, God.
Please pray for our brothers and sisters in Haiti today and in the coming days. The Haitians are beautiful people, and need our help.
You can instantly donate $10 to the American Red Cross by texting HAITI to 90999. They will text you back for confirmation.
Here are many other sites you can go to to help. Thanks to Molly Joy Matheson Gruen for this information.
------
Haiti Earthquake Disaster Relief Efforts:
AMURT (The group Eric and I worked with. We have seen personally how respectfully and effectively AMURT uses donated funds): www.amurt.net
Another way to support AMURT: Proceeds from all Haiti photos sold on Eric’s website
(Peacephotography.org) will support the work of AMURT in Haiti.
Quick and Easy: Text "Yele" to 501501 to donate $5 to the Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund, started by Wyclef Jean. The charge will automatically show up on your phone bill.
Quick and Easy (2!): Text 'HAITI' to '90999' to donate $10 to the Red Cross to help with relief efforts. The charge will automatically show up on your phone bill.
Partners in Health:
http://www.pih.org/home.html
Covenant Word Relief:
http://www.covchurch.org/cwr
Lutheran World Relief:
http://lwr.org/
Catholic Relief Services:
www.crs.org
Doctors without Borders:
www.doctorswithoutborders.org
World Vision:
www.worldvision.org
Also, NPR put together a list of disaster relief websites, donation lists and support ideas:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2010/01/haiti_earthquake_how_to_help_a.html?sc=fb&cc=fp
{{ Thank you, friends. }}
Heck if I know what I was "supposed" to do with my life. There have been so many plans and changes, detours and failures, really anyone's guess is as good as mine. I have a bachelor's degree in women's studies, a year of law school, several nursing classes (which I often forget I even took!), and am nearly finished with a teaching license. Mostly, I write in notebooks whenever I'm not teaching my daughter how to be a person. I have a specific book idea, a collection of essays, the first three chapters of a really horrific mystery novel, and this blog. So, am I a writer? I feel called to be one, so I guess I'll just myself a writer. God gave this to me. He never said I was a GREAT writer, because that takes practice, which is mainly what I do: I practice. He is also calling me to speak about certain topics that may be helpful to people. How to convince anyone that I know anything about anything is an obstacle he hasn't revealed a way around yet. :)
Mostly, God is doing a brand new thing in my life. Ultimately, I didn't become an attorney because every cell in body knew that was the wrong path for me. I may become a teacher, but I'll teach my daughter first. Writing is sort of the thing I fell into because it's what I've found myself doing more than anything else, besides molding the personhood of this little muffin I live with. As a friend said once, "I don't do anything fancy with words. I just write them."
What does God call you to do today? Are you doing it? Maybe you are in your day job, maybe your calling is outside your day job. What fills you up like a good meal that ISN'T a meal? It's taken me a good decade to figure out what that is for me: it's pages and pages of my sprawling handwriting. It's piles of 30-cent notebooks in the built-in cabinet in my bedroom. It's a blog where I write about praising, questioning, and worshipping God and Jesus Christ, and also where I write about my beliefs on issues of equality and justice. I don't make much money doing it, but it makes me a much better parent than if I were doing something else. For that, praise and thanks to you, God.
Please pray for our brothers and sisters in Haiti today and in the coming days. The Haitians are beautiful people, and need our help.
You can instantly donate $10 to the American Red Cross by texting HAITI to 90999. They will text you back for confirmation.
Here are many other sites you can go to to help. Thanks to Molly Joy Matheson Gruen for this information.
------
Haiti Earthquake Disaster Relief Efforts:
AMURT (The group Eric and I worked with. We have seen personally how respectfully and effectively AMURT uses donated funds): www.amurt.net
Another way to support AMURT: Proceeds from all Haiti photos sold on Eric’s website
(Peacephotography.org) will support the work of AMURT in Haiti.
Quick and Easy: Text "Yele" to 501501 to donate $5 to the Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund, started by Wyclef Jean. The charge will automatically show up on your phone bill.
Quick and Easy (2!): Text 'HAITI' to '90999' to donate $10 to the Red Cross to help with relief efforts. The charge will automatically show up on your phone bill.
Partners in Health:
http://www.pih.org/home.html
Covenant Word Relief:
http://www.covchurch.org/cwr
Lutheran World Relief:
http://lwr.org/
Catholic Relief Services:
www.crs.org
Doctors without Borders:
www.doctorswithoutborders.org
World Vision:
www.worldvision.org
Also, NPR put together a list of disaster relief websites, donation lists and support ideas:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2010/01/haiti_earthquake_how_to_help_a.html?sc=fb&cc=fp
{{ Thank you, friends. }}
Monday, January 11, 2010
Good, Anyway.
1 Corinthians 1:3-6
This past weekend was challenging for me, and wonderful. I traveled with my fiance to visit his grandparents in Arizona. While I was so grateful to be in the warm sun after living in this frigid tundra we call Minnesota, I was unprepared for the amount of patience and grace I needed to make the trip a success.
Well, "unprepared" is maybe not right word. I knew going in that we would be communicating in a new ways that we are not generally used to. I found that I have immense love and feel a lot of protectiveness for my new family. However, there are opinions and practices that are hard for me to agree with, or even find peace with.
So I prayed, and I continue to pray. For their health, their safety, their peace. I did my very best to do good, anyway. Even though I felt frustration, even when I felt annoyance, even when I felt defensive of my beloved fiance; I prayed to God to give me the wisdom and grace to show love anyway. It takes a level of acceptance. This acceptance is possible. For me, it took prayer, and the Lord answered me.
More fun from Glee! Just because. :)
This past weekend was challenging for me, and wonderful. I traveled with my fiance to visit his grandparents in Arizona. While I was so grateful to be in the warm sun after living in this frigid tundra we call Minnesota, I was unprepared for the amount of patience and grace I needed to make the trip a success.
Well, "unprepared" is maybe not right word. I knew going in that we would be communicating in a new ways that we are not generally used to. I found that I have immense love and feel a lot of protectiveness for my new family. However, there are opinions and practices that are hard for me to agree with, or even find peace with.
So I prayed, and I continue to pray. For their health, their safety, their peace. I did my very best to do good, anyway. Even though I felt frustration, even when I felt annoyance, even when I felt defensive of my beloved fiance; I prayed to God to give me the wisdom and grace to show love anyway. It takes a level of acceptance. This acceptance is possible. For me, it took prayer, and the Lord answered me.
More fun from Glee! Just because. :)
Practice
Psalm 119:89-104
I have practiced yoga with some regularity since I was seventeen years old. Of course, over the many life changes, moves, and caprices of my personality and waning commitment, there have been periods of time where I don't practice yoga for a while, sometimes a month or two. During these times, I become more physically, emotionally, and spiritually distant. I tend to eat mindlessly, be lethargic and irritable, and generally start to teeter toward depression. And so I've learned, over these 13 years of yoga growth, to be as consistent as I can; practice begets practice. It is much the same with my Christian spiritual practices: they take practice! I can't ignore God, my Bible, and my writing for a very long period of time, or I feel detached. From God, from Life, from Love. Faith takes practice. It has taken me a long time to figure this out. But I am nothing if not a slow learner.
That isn't to say that while my attention is averted, God's is as well. The Holy Spirit doesn't get distracted or bored with me; that is an entirely human failing on my part. Barbara Haggerty, in her research on people who are more deeply connected to spirituality,which you can read here and listen to on NPR here, poses the best question I've heard all year: What if our brains aren't like CD players, just processing what we perceive through our senses, but are like radios that we can tune to the "God" frequency? Some people may have an easier time tuning their dials than others. Mystics, prophets, and sages are some examples of people who have high-frequency dials. I am not a mystic or a prophet or a sage, unfortunately, and I need a lot of practice to tune in my dial! I need centering prayer, unceasing prayer, yoga, Bible study, worship services, and writing. These are gifts God has given me to transform my life through Him. We all have these gifts available to us. Praise be to God!
I have practiced yoga with some regularity since I was seventeen years old. Of course, over the many life changes, moves, and caprices of my personality and waning commitment, there have been periods of time where I don't practice yoga for a while, sometimes a month or two. During these times, I become more physically, emotionally, and spiritually distant. I tend to eat mindlessly, be lethargic and irritable, and generally start to teeter toward depression. And so I've learned, over these 13 years of yoga growth, to be as consistent as I can; practice begets practice. It is much the same with my Christian spiritual practices: they take practice! I can't ignore God, my Bible, and my writing for a very long period of time, or I feel detached. From God, from Life, from Love. Faith takes practice. It has taken me a long time to figure this out. But I am nothing if not a slow learner.
That isn't to say that while my attention is averted, God's is as well. The Holy Spirit doesn't get distracted or bored with me; that is an entirely human failing on my part. Barbara Haggerty, in her research on people who are more deeply connected to spirituality,which you can read here and listen to on NPR here, poses the best question I've heard all year: What if our brains aren't like CD players, just processing what we perceive through our senses, but are like radios that we can tune to the "God" frequency? Some people may have an easier time tuning their dials than others. Mystics, prophets, and sages are some examples of people who have high-frequency dials. I am not a mystic or a prophet or a sage, unfortunately, and I need a lot of practice to tune in my dial! I need centering prayer, unceasing prayer, yoga, Bible study, worship services, and writing. These are gifts God has given me to transform my life through Him. We all have these gifts available to us. Praise be to God!
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